dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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