The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
