You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
