when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
