Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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