pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
