I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
