Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
