well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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