Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
