Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
