i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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