I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just had sex bonerless
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
