Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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