Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
