I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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