I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
