I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
being pregnant is like rehab
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
