dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
