Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
