Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
