every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
