I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
