well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize