Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
