Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
