You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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