The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
