i don't like sucking hair
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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