I want you more than these girls want KFC
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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