i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Michael Bay diarrhea
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
