Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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