The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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