You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
