so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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