i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
