she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
