I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
whose parrot is this?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
