My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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