i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
