OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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