He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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