My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
