So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
