i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
