I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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