Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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