About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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