how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
