I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
