I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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