I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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