Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
