The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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