dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
