I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
