it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
