Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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