No subtext here. People are naked.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
