i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
