You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drunk is not a location!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
