I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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