omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This house was built for laser tag.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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