All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
